wow. what is wrong with me? ok, i think i snapped out of it.... just about. i was just reviewing past posts.
1.) i didnt know i had so many!
2.) 2008 was more fun/ more uplifting time of post-age. im gonna bring that back! i need to be more fun.. for everyone's sake!
3.) yes! remembering two good ones:
great things and sea glass
Sunday, March 29, 2009
welcome to the jumble
in the jumble of things and reoccurring stressors and insecurities, it is the true friends that bring you back down to a calmer place. a calmer pace. a more moderate, logical state where equilibrium is closer to your grasp. things become more clear, more real, more visible. thank you so so soooooo much! i am very blessed.
lovingly,
lily
lovingly,
lily
Thursday, March 26, 2009
my providence
Lots of random thoughts circulating, so here I am.
Some reflections:
* I look around and I feel like I'm missing out. There are so many beautiful people I see pass by on the street, in pictures, in classes and i want so much to know them. to hear their story. to ask them, "are you truly happy?" And yet, I don't know them.
* Am I missing opportunities? There are so many things I need to change. So may faults. One thing at a time.
* The Hidden Words of Baha'u'llah ( some below).
Some of my favorites that are helping me through:
From the Arabic:
#51. O SON OF MAN!
My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy. Hasten thereunto that thou mayest become an eternal light and an immortal spirit. This is My command unto thee, do thou observe it.
#4. O SON OF MAN!
I loved thy creation, hence I created thee. Wherefore, do thou love Me, that I may name thy name and fill thy soul with the spirit of life.
#11. O SON OF BEING!
Thou art My lamp and My light is in thee. Get thou from it thy radiance and seek none other than Me. For I have created thee rich and have bountifully shed My favour upon thee."
#8. O SON OF SPIRIT!
There is no peace for thee save by renouncing thyself and turning unto Me; for it behoveth thee to glory in My name, not thine own; to put thy trust in Me and not in thyself, since I desire to be loved alone and above all that is.
#12. O SON OF BEING!
With the hands of power I made thee and with the fingers of strength I created thee; and within thee have I placed the essence of My light. Be thou content with it and seek naught else, for My work is perfect and My command is binding. Question it not, nor have a doubt thereof
#17. O SON OF MAN!
Be thou content with Me and seek no other helper. For none but Me can ever suffice thee.
From the Persian:
#32. O BEFRIENDED STRANGER!
The candle of thine heart is lighted by the hand of My power, quench it not with the contrary winds of self and passion. The healer of all thine ills is remembrance of Me, forget it not. Make My love thy treasure and cherish it even as thy very sight and life.
These words speak so loud and so deep. I recently realized that sometimes I simply don't have enough strength within myself and at these times, I call on something much bigger than myself. So, of course, it is these difficulties that draw us closer to The Friend. I am not ashamed. I am thankful. I am empowered.
My mom told me that in Chinese the word for "crisis" is the same as that for " opportunity." I do believe, in everything there is divine wisdom and perfection.
YA BAHA'U'L-ABHA! ( "Glory of the Most Glorious" in Arabic)
*******************************************************************
And HAPPY NAW-RUZ! to new beginnings, freshness, and rebirth!
Some reflections:
* I look around and I feel like I'm missing out. There are so many beautiful people I see pass by on the street, in pictures, in classes and i want so much to know them. to hear their story. to ask them, "are you truly happy?" And yet, I don't know them.
* Am I missing opportunities? There are so many things I need to change. So may faults. One thing at a time.
* The Hidden Words of Baha'u'llah ( some below).
Some of my favorites that are helping me through:
From the Arabic:
#51. O SON OF MAN!
My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy. Hasten thereunto that thou mayest become an eternal light and an immortal spirit. This is My command unto thee, do thou observe it.
#4. O SON OF MAN!
I loved thy creation, hence I created thee. Wherefore, do thou love Me, that I may name thy name and fill thy soul with the spirit of life.
#11. O SON OF BEING!
Thou art My lamp and My light is in thee. Get thou from it thy radiance and seek none other than Me. For I have created thee rich and have bountifully shed My favour upon thee."
#8. O SON OF SPIRIT!
There is no peace for thee save by renouncing thyself and turning unto Me; for it behoveth thee to glory in My name, not thine own; to put thy trust in Me and not in thyself, since I desire to be loved alone and above all that is.
#12. O SON OF BEING!
With the hands of power I made thee and with the fingers of strength I created thee; and within thee have I placed the essence of My light. Be thou content with it and seek naught else, for My work is perfect and My command is binding. Question it not, nor have a doubt thereof
#17. O SON OF MAN!
Be thou content with Me and seek no other helper. For none but Me can ever suffice thee.
From the Persian:
#32. O BEFRIENDED STRANGER!
The candle of thine heart is lighted by the hand of My power, quench it not with the contrary winds of self and passion. The healer of all thine ills is remembrance of Me, forget it not. Make My love thy treasure and cherish it even as thy very sight and life.
These words speak so loud and so deep. I recently realized that sometimes I simply don't have enough strength within myself and at these times, I call on something much bigger than myself. So, of course, it is these difficulties that draw us closer to The Friend. I am not ashamed. I am thankful. I am empowered.
My mom told me that in Chinese the word for "crisis" is the same as that for " opportunity." I do believe, in everything there is divine wisdom and perfection.
YA BAHA'U'L-ABHA! ( "Glory of the Most Glorious" in Arabic)
*******************************************************************
And HAPPY NAW-RUZ! to new beginnings, freshness, and rebirth!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
captivated
im in this mood to listen to soft and slow love-song. which is kinda embarrassing and not usually "me". i am generally against this genre because i can feel pop music filling my head with nonsense. silly ideas about the world. not to mention the lack of creativity. but this is not the case with " the prayer". what a classic!!!
i fell in love with this katherine mcphee and andre bocelli duet on a program on PBS over winter break and i was fascinated and captivated. in my current state, i remembered it.
the best i could find is this mp3 stream.
***********************dedicated to all things that glorify the value of life and love and real beauty.
i fell in love with this katherine mcphee and andre bocelli duet on a program on PBS over winter break and i was fascinated and captivated. in my current state, i remembered it.
the best i could find is this mp3 stream.
***********************dedicated to all things that glorify the value of life and love and real beauty.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
revisited
(snowy shot of my front yard) 
I am doing a lot of revisiting lately.
Its winter break ( Hello Winter! It snowed 8 inches at my house yesterday) and I am back “home”. Although I feel much more at home and useful in Davis.
Being back, I am fighting off the same emotions and behaviors that I wrestled with growing up. It’s a hard place to live.
On the brightside, I am able to see my parents and do a lot of thinking and life-figuring-out.
I have an important scholarship to do, which means I need to revise my life plan and at least present a temporary plan in the form of an essay, as well as look back on what I have accomplished. This is something I have been avoiding, pushed to the back of my mind for later ruminating. But it really is time.
I have a lot of thoughts. There are a lot of phases and images that I want to be me, at least eventually. But I don’t know how to organize it all. I don’t know what things should be sacrificed at what things shouldn’t and who fits in here and where this puzzle piece goes.
All I know is that the Southwest Regional Baha’i Conference in LA last weekend allowed me to see a certain aspect in more clarity.
And now I am so in love and obsessed with that clear vision! The Picture is so much greater than me.
I can’t wait to start a junior youth group (something I’ve always wanted to do but somehow never did before) to build unity, do service, and empower the younger generation.
As a student I’ve always found difficulty in figuring out my balance (I say “my balance” because it really is different for everyone) between academia and my contribution to the Five Year Plan. I have placed myself in the “inadequate to mediumly-adequate” range for both. And I still don’t have it all figured out. I know studying is a in itself a service but, I find real difficulty in working effectively toward something I am not completely sure about.
I just have so much to become.
I have so much to better.
And I am craving to be a part of something that is bigger and much more far reaching and much more healing.
So I am ready to commit to some thing that I have been saying, thinking, and talking about for a few years now:
I am going to start planning a year-of-service for next year.
I wanted to say it here so that I would be reminded and would not be able to back out.
Honestly, I am so terrified. But I am excited. The only way to get past all these fears and weaknesses is to push through them. I don’t think I should put it off any longer. I feel that now is the time.
The funny thing about service is that, at least for me, I always judge myself… saying I am not ready or capable or strong enough or I don’t have the means, but I think that is a backwards way of looking at it. Selfless service is what MAKES us ready, capable, strong, and we are always provided for.
“O God, make me a hollow reed, from which the pith of self hath been blown so that I may become as a clear channel through which Thy Love may flow to others”
That has always been one of my favorites. And I feel more connected to it now. I read it with more clarity.
So all this effort I am putting into the scholarship may be in vain (financially anyway, since I will be taking a year off), but today I decided that I won’t worry about that anymore. Because like I said in my very first post… its more about the journey than the destination. And I really do believe that everything has a purpose.
The community of Davis has really lifted me up. I have never felt more at home or more in love with the people around me. Such a blessing! And I am so thankful. And I am ready to share that feeling with others. I’ll try anyway.
Growth.
P.S. if you read all that you are either amazing or really really bored... probably the former based on what I know about my readers. This was actually a really emotional post for me. I may have cried. Anyway, thank you. I applaud you! :)
I am doing a lot of revisiting lately.
Its winter break ( Hello Winter! It snowed 8 inches at my house yesterday) and I am back “home”. Although I feel much more at home and useful in Davis.
Being back, I am fighting off the same emotions and behaviors that I wrestled with growing up. It’s a hard place to live.
On the brightside, I am able to see my parents and do a lot of thinking and life-figuring-out.
I have an important scholarship to do, which means I need to revise my life plan and at least present a temporary plan in the form of an essay, as well as look back on what I have accomplished. This is something I have been avoiding, pushed to the back of my mind for later ruminating. But it really is time.
I have a lot of thoughts. There are a lot of phases and images that I want to be me, at least eventually. But I don’t know how to organize it all. I don’t know what things should be sacrificed at what things shouldn’t and who fits in here and where this puzzle piece goes.
All I know is that the Southwest Regional Baha’i Conference in LA last weekend allowed me to see a certain aspect in more clarity.
And now I am so in love and obsessed with that clear vision! The Picture is so much greater than me.
I can’t wait to start a junior youth group (something I’ve always wanted to do but somehow never did before) to build unity, do service, and empower the younger generation.
As a student I’ve always found difficulty in figuring out my balance (I say “my balance” because it really is different for everyone) between academia and my contribution to the Five Year Plan. I have placed myself in the “inadequate to mediumly-adequate” range for both. And I still don’t have it all figured out. I know studying is a in itself a service but, I find real difficulty in working effectively toward something I am not completely sure about.
I just have so much to become.
I have so much to better.
And I am craving to be a part of something that is bigger and much more far reaching and much more healing.
So I am ready to commit to some thing that I have been saying, thinking, and talking about for a few years now:
I am going to start planning a year-of-service for next year.
I wanted to say it here so that I would be reminded and would not be able to back out.
Honestly, I am so terrified. But I am excited. The only way to get past all these fears and weaknesses is to push through them. I don’t think I should put it off any longer. I feel that now is the time.
The funny thing about service is that, at least for me, I always judge myself… saying I am not ready or capable or strong enough or I don’t have the means, but I think that is a backwards way of looking at it. Selfless service is what MAKES us ready, capable, strong, and we are always provided for.
“O God, make me a hollow reed, from which the pith of self hath been blown so that I may become as a clear channel through which Thy Love may flow to others”
That has always been one of my favorites. And I feel more connected to it now. I read it with more clarity.
So all this effort I am putting into the scholarship may be in vain (financially anyway, since I will be taking a year off), but today I decided that I won’t worry about that anymore. Because like I said in my very first post… its more about the journey than the destination. And I really do believe that everything has a purpose.
The community of Davis has really lifted me up. I have never felt more at home or more in love with the people around me. Such a blessing! And I am so thankful. And I am ready to share that feeling with others. I’ll try anyway.
Growth.
P.S. if you read all that you are either amazing or really really bored... probably the former based on what I know about my readers. This was actually a really emotional post for me. I may have cried. Anyway, thank you. I applaud you! :)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
true wealth
i am so inspired.
i am reconsidering the methods of measuring wealth and success:
"O My servants! Were ye to discover the hidden, the shoreless oceans of My incorruptible weath, ye would, of a certainty, esteem as nothing the world, nay entire creation"
-Baha'u'llah
what wealth is incorruptible and why would we spend time chasing anything else?
i am remembering my roots. my core.
keeping an eye on the horizon. realizing that the "right-now" is but one grain of sand.
i am reconsidering the methods of measuring wealth and success:
"O My servants! Were ye to discover the hidden, the shoreless oceans of My incorruptible weath, ye would, of a certainty, esteem as nothing the world, nay entire creation"
-Baha'u'llah
what wealth is incorruptible and why would we spend time chasing anything else?
i am remembering my roots. my core.
keeping an eye on the horizon. realizing that the "right-now" is but one grain of sand.
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