sounds like summer

(on a lighter note after the last post.)

"middle distance runner" by sea wolf ( one of my favs right now. thanks steve.)
to me, this song sounds like summer. or sounds like fall? i cant decide. actually i think this sounds like the end of summer/ almost fall. so, it sounds like right now. sorry i couldnt find a non-live version.
what do you think? summer or fall?

Babyland

I watched a special on ABC a few nights ago called Babyland.
Outside Memphis, there is a cemetery filled with tiny coffins. And so the nickname given my local residents, Babyland.

The poverty-stricken intercity areas have the highest infant mortality rates ( over 200 a year just in that area, 100 more than deaths from homicide in the area). Post-traumatic stress from seeing crime and homicides happen in broad daylight can cause miscarriages or other complications. And young single moms don't generally receive prenatal care, hence there is a very high number of very premature births. The women and girls are not educated or supported. The thing about those who live in poverty is, they generally don't feel entitled to things like health care or a higher standard of living because they have never experienced that. And so the cycle of poverty continues.

It really broken my heart to see these people being denied and this problem being ignored (a definite prejudice, whether racial or financial). There were others trying to do what they could to help. Nurses making home visits to expecting young moms (12-13 years and older). But with continuous budget cuts, this was becoming increasingly difficult. Anyway, it really spoke to me and I wanted to share this information. I think I know what I want to do in my life.

charmed by the street

so, tv these days. its really not what it used to be. the media is becoming increasingly poisonous, year by year.

hennyways, i stumbled upon Sesame Street the other day (dont judge me!). I was curious to see what, if anything, had changed. to my surprise many of the old classic charaters (e.g. cookie monster, oscar the grouch, and the big hairy elephant guy that was bigbird's friend) were replace with new characters! bleh! not to mention bert and ernie are clay-mation now! oh the humanity!

i then began to reminisce, recalling some of the vintage tunes and vids from when i was a youngster. I actually remembered the songs and lyrics which lead my to search youtube.

here are some samplers of some of those classics:

sea glass

I am sea glass.

Tumbled and thrown.

Extremes.

Sands smooth rough edges.
Anew.

The sea holds mystery and danger. Something beautiful.

Elation: I am so happy! At this very moment nothing particularly is happening. My days are not filled with any special adventure or excitement, but I am not bored. I am joyfully preparing.

Reflecting: A mountain and redwoods, love, service and self.
I am so purely and truly happy. I feel that I am progressing, shedding layers of self.

I have never before experienced this kind of change, a change so noticeable and perceivable and true. It is very exciting, stunningly so.

Somehow I have always associated Northern California with a higher nature, a high standard in many ways. A refuge. And now I call it "home".

Bosch was different this year. In so many ways. It always is. I discovered so much in those two weeks about myself, life, and truth. And for the first time, I was truly able to bring that indescribably feeling down the mountain with me. Bosch and that feeling and His love reside in my heart permanently. And for the first time I feel that the person I was on the mountain is the person I am right now and the person I will be in a few months.

Layers that covered me, veils, have been removed more rapidly though my experiences (in the past couple year in particular), relationships, and most of all service. Now, what is important is so clear to me. Almost a clairvoyance. And I am so excited and overjoyed to think that I will continue to shed these layers, coming ever closer to my true self, which, ironically enough, is self-less.

a horrifying and insulting yet honest mistake

this is how i feel:


A copy+paste of a facebook message:



AHHHHHHHH!HHHH!H!HH!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
steve! i just did the dumbest thing. made an utterly horrifying mistake! oh my gosh im all squirmy and full of anxiety now!

ok. ready? so ive been trying to look up jobs ya know. so i was applying to a couple, emailing for more information and, sending my resume. urrrgh! so i sent this email in response to a post for a student lab assistant in mr.bevins (microbiology and immunology) lab. someone to wash dishes and do powerpoints and stuff.. idk. it said to contact Hui Chu for more information. so i sent an email starting "dear mr.chu" . i looked it over and right when i hit send, i thought "ohhhh CRAP! what if Hui Chu is not a man!?!"

so i googled the name and found out that Huitung Chu is a FEMALE grad student!!!!!!! AHHHHHH! what a nightmare. oh man! so then i sent a follow-up email apologizing and saying i am so sorry 1000000000000 times. i dont know what else to do. i am soooo embarrassed and ashamed.

so anyway, on the website that had MS. Chu's pic and info... i scrolled down wondering if all immunology grad students were on there and then i saw your pic!! :) haha. nice one btw. and then i thought i need to tell you how stupid i am and how i have no chance at this really cool job because attention to detail in important in a lab and i am an idiot who calls girls "mr". so here i am.

on a lighter note, i really am craving some live music and i cant wait for T.I. music fest. i guess thats all. perhaps i will post this as a blog. ugh!

union

I went to two weddings in the last two weeks.

Unfortunately, I really only took pictures at one.

Both ceremonies were pretty simple. modest. beautiful.

I really liked that.

Here are some snapshots.

Thank you, Consequence

I have gone south for summer.
Late, on the drive home from the airport, right as we turned onto my street, I saw a glorious (some call them "falling"... I prefer) shooting-star that travel quite a distance across the sky.

I am home.
I am from a place where there are few streetlights. And so when the sun goes down, the stars shine bright.
I feel so far away from where I've been. And everything I associate with "home" feels like a distant memory that I am trying to remember.
And I am trying, again, to fit in.

During my first year of school I felt many things. Possibly more emotions than I have ever felt in the span of 365 days.
In order: excitement. nervous butterflies. hope. optimism. love. welcome. friendship. love. fufilment. service. wonderment. heart-break... (band-aid). intriuge. questioning. intruige. knowledge. tolerance. love. fun. travel. vulnerability. stress. heart-break. disgust. helplessness. attatchment. support. detatchment. devotion. love. independence. responsibility. rhythm. peace. friendship. faith. love.

Thank you, Consequence. (and thank you Alanis Morissette, for that line)

I am so thankful that Davis has opened its arms and welcomed me with such embracing and strong, over-whelming, conquer-all LOVE!
I've such great friends. souls. loving resources. But I am still learning. I trust easily, but I am not one to ask for support.

In retrospect and introspect I have come to some realizations. These are things I have always known and held important, but this year especially has shown that:

1.) Happiness is love. Love is service.

2.)Good things come to those who wait.

3.) Everything happens for a reason and the universe is perpetually working in your favor.