come on courage

awake. i am in my bathroom.
there are people sleeping in every room but here.
i cant sleep.
there is so much in my head.

first day of classes tomorrow.
i have so much in my life sort to out. settle. organize.
its time for me to be courageous. to heal.
as much as i want to tell someone everything that has happened in my life up to this point, i know i have to find my own way. by myself, but not alone. trusting in God.

there's a saying i really like:
" there once was a man who complained about having no shoes. then, he meet a man with no feet"

summer has always been a time of revisiting for me.
in this season, i sometimes feel trapped by the lack of distraction from the biggest hole inside me.
one of the few stretches of time i spend in solitude. i feel so much but struggle to express it.

this summer has been truly incredible! I am so lucky. i saw beautiful places and faces. dont get me wrong, i have experienced great joy. but it has also been filled with lots and lots of tiny tests. each one individually didn't seem to phase me. but they built up, on top of me to the point where i could no longer decipher or articulate my feelings. and i fell into a sort of silence that i am not a fan of. anxiety?

i expect fall to be very therapeutic in many ways.
some plans include:
-taking a ballet class ( because ive wanted to since i stop at age 9)
-taking a yoga class ( good for the healing of my back)
-chiropractor visits ( yay massages sorta)
-counseling? ( to heal. its time)

i am not ashamed.
i am proud of who i am. what i am striving to become.
sometimes the timing is off, so you have to move on.

there is so much i want to do.
there are so many opportunities to service and growth.
i am in a good place.
i am truly blessed.
i am so thankful!
i know there is divine perfection in every single moment.
especially the trying ones.
but now its time for me to be strong.
deep breath.
ok.