the root of the root of myself

my true self has been in hibernation. buried in all that is to be done and all that is expected.
i have always had the key, it is held in these bound hands.
im reaching up. crawling out just in time for winter.
the clouds in my eyes are clearing.
i am digging myself out again.
this time, i promise to do things in my own time, not the world's.

im so thankful. despite that fact that i am so difficult and frustrating.

cool beauty

Hola A Todo El Mundo - A Movement from CANADA on Vimeo.

for more videos produced by CANADA and if you know whats good for you, go to:

http://www.lawebdecanada.com/musica

each gorgeous pictures is an incredible video. watch them all and love life! :)

The answer isn’t finding the right person, it’s becoming the right person.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

-Rumi

bombay bicycle club

i can never resist sweet and simple harmonies. that which causes me to close my eyes and sway. feels like arms around me.



Taking the second plan,
Begging to understand,
Life of a selfless man.
‘Cause out of all the flaws I’ve stumbled on;
It’s the hardest one to focus on
It’s the hardest one to focus on.
Why are you calling up?
Isn’t one enough?
Giving up all she’s got.
Out of all the flaws I’ve stumbled on.
It’s the hardest one to focus on.
It’s the hardest one to focus on.

splurge

got 'em! and im excited about how narrow and pointy the toe is on these rare docs. hopefully they look good in person.

i am lucky

this i know. i have really incredible friends and no need to want. also, i am going backpacking for the first time this weekend! WOOO!

fears less

i feel i am in the midst of my own paradigm shift. my tastes and attitudes have changed in a noticeable way. and ive been more fearless. my brain has emphasized a strong attracted to the strange and the weird.


what im diggin:

1. ellie goulding

and i have been inspired by her hairstyle.

2. glitter glitter and rings from ebay and thifting.
it all started with a single gold shirt, that i wore to a few dance parties. now ive got sequence glitter gold galore!
exhibit A:

i have actually been thinking about my style which has been modified along with my recent change of taste. i have been really into contrast: red, black, white and flowy material. hard and soft looks.

3. sleigh bells
i have a huge crush on this band. i like how they do things. i like how they make me want to move. despite the low sound quality ( but they do love distortion), this is my fav video of them. the song "ring ring" is also great.


4. pie
will be making my second, of this summer, soon.
this is peach blackberry:








*************************************
in other news, i am going backpacking ( with one of my bests) over labor day weekend and im SO EXCITED!

i flit, i float

release me

once in a while, i think about a particular recent affair and i lose my breath as a wave on anxiety takes hold of my body. i feel clenched. i find it a bit shocking how such things have the ability to affect me physically. it's been hard to let things go when no closure is offered, but i'm almost there.

a couple months ago when my stress from this was at peak levels, i was obsessed with the below video.

"This video has lots of fun dancing but also strikes an eerie note, since it focuses on the ideas that a) lots of people dance alone b) in their underwear and c) not many people look beautiful dancing, especially once they’re slowed down, sped up, or frozen. The result, however, is quite beautiful: Intimate, lonely, and still fun. The video was directed by DANIELS (Daniel Scheinert and Dan Kwan)."
-stereogum

physical expression of nonphysical concepts or emotions, in the form dance, is incredibly striking and beautiful to me. i often regret not pursuing dance past my two years of ballet from age 6-8. but this video gives me hope in some strange way. i love the raw, awkward, honest passion of the dancing in the video. for some reason i identify with that. there is something freeing about intense motion ( the guy wearing the gray thermal, in the video). or maybe i have just watch it too many time (probably about 40 times, no joke).

anyway, ENJOY! its kinda weird. but so is life. weird is real. embrace it.

Underwear by FM Belfast (Music Video) from Daniel Scheinert on Vimeo.

jubilant!

this is TOO GOOD!
thanks to nic, the man of impeccable taste!




similarly, popscene nights:

the perfect oxfords

after much searching i found 'em. ain't they prettty! but alas, i won't pay $130+ for them. RATS!

im into it

best. summer.

here's the deal:
-i have been feeling ridiculously good!
-we have been having lots of visitors and hence, many adventures as of recent!
-three weeks at Bosch Baha'i School means clarity and joy.
-i have really been enjoying certain people.
-i've been jumping off a lot of things lately ( rope swings, rocks) and swimming. oh haaaay summer!
-i feel very lucky to be leading such a full life.
-summer school starts on monday. bring it!

in other news, i found these:



i know i don't need them...buuuuuuut...

i will surge but i will not rage

its funny how all tests seem to boil down to expose one fundamental weakness. as if each ache attempts to chip away at this heavy chain, year after year. i am my own shackles, and i am so stubborn. here it goes.

i will surge but i will not rage.

slight

a list of words that are inside of me:

slight
self
slits
imperfect
touch
unsure
sun
wary
worn
heavy
young
hesitate
history
breathe



i have finished finals and i feel stunned numb by this quarter and how quickly time passes.
i often regret that i am not better at expressing myself.
i feel confined.



i need my redwoods.

warpaint

this is the most attractive/sultry music video ever:

just fantastic:

i need more trees

the kindest voice

she is the cutest. and her voice is as sweet and natural as breathing.

Priscilla Ahn » Benji Hughes from The Voice Project on Vimeo.

genius next door

someday, i will wake up.

i am usually very good at keeping it together. remaining unaffected by turmoil around or disappointment within. unaffected by transitory things and focusing on my goal to love and serve humanity.

but some times, usually while studying for an calculus, ochem, or biochem exam, i get caught up in me. i ask myself why? why did i subject myself to one of the hardest science majors possible at the expense on my delicate GPA? and what? what am i doing? it is so hard to be hopeful and sure when your performance is so below your expectation for yourself.

this quarter is half over and i've barely had time to take a deep breath. i will be graduating next year and, as excited as i am, that scares me.

i need patience, peace. steadfastness. focus. in every sense on every words.
i will always be comforted by the fact that when i need them most, the perfect prayers seem to reach me when i search for them.

------------------------------


O kind Lord! O Comforter of anguished hearts! Send down Thy mercy upon us, and Thy grace, bestow upon us patience, give us the strength to endure. With Thy generous hand, lay Thou a balm upon our sores, grant us a medicine for this never-healing woe. Console Thou Thy loved ones, comfort Thy friends and handmaids, heal Thou our wounded breasts, and with Thy bounty's remedy, restore our festering hearts.
With the gentle breeze of Thy compassion, make fresh and green again these boughs, withered by autumn blasts; restore Thou to flourishing life these flowers, shrivelled by the blight of bereavement.
With tidings of the Abha Paradise, wed Thou our souls to joy, and rejoice Thou our spirits with heartening voices from the dwellers in the realm of glory. Thou art the Bounteous, Thou art the Clement; Thou art the Bestower, the Loving.

-Bahiyyih Khanum

------------------------------------

regina spektor. so many great, emotionally-charged songs. some of my favorites on my mind right now :
"chemo limo"
"somedays" and
"genius next door"
these songs, her voice, her passion persuade me to tears. she is unafraid.



so i am pushing through. here i go. wish me luck.

grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

warm skin. peaches. pastels. pie. freckles. strolls. salt and sand. twirls. braids. blooms. bare feet. baby animals.